One Coke can. One orange. Half a matchbox. A lighter and then some. Three fingers. A phone, but slightly smaller. And, for the perfectionists, one pound coin minus 10%. These are all real answers to one deceptively simple question: "How big would you like your tattoo?"

You might expect the answer to involve inches or centimeters. But tattoo artists have discovered a much more imaginative system of measurement in circulation, one where "roughly a matchbox" and "just medium" count as perfectly valid units. In the world of tattoos, apparently, almost anything can become a measuring device.

And honestly, we understand why. Most of us don't think in measurements; we think in objects. You're not thinking I'd like a design measuring 8.7 centimeters; you're thinking I want it about this big. So when someone says "about the size of a Coke can," they're describing the picture already in their head. The problem is, that picture doesn't transfer.

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Phones have quietly become another standard unit of measurement. "My phone size." Again, there's something refreshingly simple about it. The client has a physical object right there, so rather than trying to estimate inches or centimeters, they can simply hold it up. Of course, there is a slight complication. Phones come in different sizes. And if the client gets a new phone next year, their tattoo will technically no longer be phone-sized.

A Coke can is 66 mm across and 122 mm tall. Which of those did you mean? "Phone-sized" covers everything from a compact Android to a Pro Max - a gap of almost two centimeters, which on a forearm is the difference between a discreet piece and one you'll see from across the room. And "not too big" means nothing until we've both looked at the same reference.

Every one of these needs a follow-up question, and those questions eat into consultation time we'd much rather spend on the design itself.

Perhaps the most relatable request is also the least measurable. "Not too big, not too small." It's hard to argue with that. Nobody wants a tattoo that's unexpectedly enormous, and nobody wants to squint at their own design because it's disappeared into a space the size of a postage stamp. The challenge is that "not too big" means something different to everyone. For one person, it might mean a tiny little design that can be covered by a watch. For another, it could mean something that comfortably fills the whole forearm. Then there's the slightly more mysterious one: "Quite small." No numbers. No measurements. Just vibes. Tattoo artists have become very good at translating those vibes, but it takes a few rounds of questions, and the answer always ends up being a number.