Friends and family usually mean well, but unsolicited relationship advice can plant doubts in even the most secure couples. Point out something that looks a little suss, and suddenly there’s a problem where none existed. And when that “advice” comes with a demand to prove loyalty ? Things get messy fast.

That’s exactly what happened to one married man after his lab posted a group photo on Instagram welcoming its new administrative assistant. His wife’s friends saw a red flag; he saw someone who made his work life considerably easier. Before long, they were pushing his wife to ask him to do something to prove where his loyalties lay.

Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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Look, we’ve probably all been there at some point in our lives: a partner is spending a considerable amount of time around someone new, and we can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy and a bit of insecurity creep in. It’s pretty normal, even common, and as Chandra Estelle Khalifian, PhD, and Kayla Knopp, PhD, write for Psychology Today, it “doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship.”

Rather, as Sheri Stritof explains for Verywell Mind, “When a healthy relationship experiences jealousy, it comes from a place of protection. One person sees a potential threat to the relationship and expresses concern or jealousy.” Ideally, she adds, “Together, the couple discusses the issue rationally and comes to an agreement on how to move forward.”

In other words, feeling jealous isn’t necessarily the problem; what happens next can be. Because, as Stritoff continues, “When jealousy is intense or irrational, the story is very different.”

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